If You Relate to the Accused, Listen Carefully

I am writing this carefully to protect the accused. But write I must.

Recently, a successful father asked me for advice. He believes his wife spends too much time with their children. To clarify, this is a second marriage for both, and his particular concern was the time she spends with her biological children.

My first question was simple: How much time are we talking about here?

His answer: Two to three hours a night. Every night!

And then—brace yourself—he added, “I mean seriously, when I get home from work, I just go to the basement and have to wait hours before I can get any time in.”

It took everything in me not to be snarky. But I failed.

“Dude, man up. Pull up your big boy pants. A working mom spends 2-3 hours a night with her children, and your response is to sulk in the basement? You should be overjoyed that she’s that devoted to them. The only question you should be asking is, ‘Honey, what can I do to help you?'”

I could say more about this situation, but I won’t. Though I suspect a few buttons are being pushed right about now.

But this is our world, isn’t it? Dual-income households, overbooked schedules, families pulled in a hundred directions—yet somehow, it’s the important things that always seem to get in the way. Faith. Family. Time spent together without a screen between us.

A recent study from Rutgers puts it plainly:

“Robust estimates indicate that loneliness affects anywhere from one-third to well over half of people in industrialized societies,” says researcher Crane. “While healthy networks of social connection provide powerful protective health effects, increasing odds of long-term survival by 50%, loneliness itself is associated with many distinct detrimental health impacts on sleep, physical health, and mental health.”

Let that sink in. Loneliness literally affects our health, our minds, and even how long we live.

And the most sobering thought: that time you don’t spend with your kids today? It’s the reason they’ll live half a country—or even half a city—away when you’re old and infrequently come to see you.

So do the simple, hard thing: prioritize what matters. Reach out to old friends. Heal relationships. Forgive. Show up.

Make your priority the time you spend with the ones you love. Because in the end, nothing else matters.